1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,440 Oh, 25 seconds, I've got to find somewhere to speak. 2 00:00:05,260 --> 00:00:08,600 VTR Thames 3979, part 1, take 1. 3 00:01:07,260 --> 00:01:09,860 It's marvellous, isn't it? It's all I need on a Sunday morning. 4 00:01:10,260 --> 00:01:11,260 What's wrong now? 5 00:01:11,300 --> 00:01:13,020 Somebody's pinched the plug off the wash basin. 6 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:14,980 Well, it must be in there somewhere. 7 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:16,259 It is not in there. 8 00:01:16,260 --> 00:01:17,880 Well, can't you plug it up with a piece of paper? 9 00:01:18,100 --> 00:01:18,779 I did. 10 00:01:18,780 --> 00:01:20,860 Oh, well, that's all right, then. It is not all right, then. 11 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:24,220 Why isn't it? Because the piece of paper I plugged it up with has gone down the 12 00:01:24,220 --> 00:01:25,220 bunghole. 13 00:01:25,860 --> 00:01:27,300 And it's blocked up the waste pipe. 14 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:31,640 Oh, Sid, it hasn't. It has. And I've got to spend my blooming day off unblocking 15 00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:33,660 it. Oh, Sid, I'll get the plumber in. 16 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:36,500 I am quite capable of unblocking it myself. 17 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:39,820 Oh, I hate you doing the plumbing when you're in a bad temper. 18 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,280 I am not in a bad temper. 19 00:01:42,580 --> 00:01:43,980 No, but you will be the minute you start. 20 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:45,400 I will be if you keep going on. 21 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:48,400 Oh, Sid, it's your day of rest. It's Sunday. 22 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:51,140 You must be joking. 23 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:57,180 Oh, God, that means that all day yesterday, he was banging away at those 24 00:01:57,180 --> 00:01:57,779 of iron. 25 00:01:57,780 --> 00:02:01,660 They're not lumps of iron to him. All those shapes have an inner meaning. 26 00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:03,400 He's an artist, Sid. 27 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:06,400 Artists have to work when the inspiration moves them. 28 00:02:07,100 --> 00:02:08,979 Well, why can't it be moved by something quiet? 29 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:14,220 Like oil painting or raffia work or something. 30 00:02:14,700 --> 00:02:17,220 No, that wouldn't be any good. He'd plait his hair with a plait. 31 00:02:19,060 --> 00:02:20,980 Why can't he do it in a plumbing garage? 32 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:22,920 It's warmer in his bedroom. 33 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:24,980 Yeah, it was last week when he set fire to it. 34 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:26,960 It was an accident. 35 00:02:28,620 --> 00:02:29,620 Accident? 36 00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:34,140 Accident? He was welding in there, welding in his bedroom. 37 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:37,580 Well, he's offered to buy a new curtain. 38 00:02:37,860 --> 00:02:39,160 How can he? He never has any money. 39 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:42,040 Ah, yes, well, that's because you don't give him enough, isn't it? 40 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:44,180 I don't give a... Ow! 41 00:02:45,260 --> 00:02:46,260 He's at his finger. 42 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:47,439 Oh, dear. 43 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:48,359 I hope. 44 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:49,360 Sid. 45 00:02:49,540 --> 00:02:52,200 Just as long as the new people next door don't think I'm ill -treating him. 46 00:02:52,300 --> 00:02:56,300 Well, they can't say anything. Our party didn't finish till three o 'clock and 47 00:02:56,300 --> 00:02:57,540 they were still making a racket then. 48 00:02:58,460 --> 00:02:59,460 Oh, love. 49 00:03:00,010 --> 00:03:01,430 He only moved in yesterday. 50 00:03:01,850 --> 00:03:03,590 I mean, people make a noise moving in. 51 00:03:04,490 --> 00:03:06,770 And if he keeps that up, they'll be moving out again. 52 00:03:07,650 --> 00:03:10,430 I wish you'd be more tolerant of Mike, Sid. 53 00:03:10,950 --> 00:03:14,610 I mean, I wish you'd take an interest in what he's doing. I would if I knew what 54 00:03:14,610 --> 00:03:15,369 he was doing. 55 00:03:15,370 --> 00:03:17,350 Mummy, lend me a pair of tights. Would again? 56 00:03:17,670 --> 00:03:20,170 Yes, I caught these on that barbed wire on the landing. 57 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:31,280 Barbed wire. 58 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:34,560 She's right. 59 00:03:34,660 --> 00:03:35,660 Barbed wire? 60 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,600 There's a bloody great roll of it on the landing. 61 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,140 I tell you, I'm going to hide that boy. 62 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:46,860 Now, remember, be tolerant. 63 00:03:47,220 --> 00:03:48,220 Tolerant? Yes. 64 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:49,880 Certainly. 65 00:03:57,840 --> 00:03:58,840 Be tolerant. 66 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:01,200 Are you coming in, Dad? 67 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:03,120 No, no, just a small recce patrol. 68 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:06,780 Marvellous fortifications you've got out here. 69 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,040 Very well laid. 70 00:04:09,380 --> 00:04:12,280 Well, you need a Bren gun on the stairs, a few landmines, and you're virtually 71 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:13,880 impregnable. What are you talking about? 72 00:04:14,620 --> 00:04:15,620 Who are you expecting? 73 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:17,440 Nobody. Just as well, they'd never get through. 74 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:21,360 Oh, if you're going on about the barbed wire, don't worry, I'm going to bring it 75 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:22,360 in. I only brought it up for this. 76 00:04:22,460 --> 00:04:23,760 Couldn't you put that in the garage? 77 00:04:24,140 --> 00:04:26,720 Not without moving the car. And you've got the keys, I didn't want to wake you. 78 00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:29,460 It's very considerate. Well, it's handy, and I know how you like a bit of a 79 00:04:29,460 --> 00:04:31,720 line. Do you mind not banging that for a minute? 80 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:34,940 I thought I told you to do this in the garage. 81 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:36,280 I thought you just meant the welding. 82 00:04:36,580 --> 00:04:39,600 Never mind. 83 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:44,100 Your mother told me that I shouldn't keep getting on at you because it'll 84 00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:45,100 your development. 85 00:04:45,700 --> 00:04:47,660 Gord only knows what it's stunt in the mind. 86 00:04:49,700 --> 00:04:52,180 Nevertheless, I'll take her advice and I'll try to be more tolerant. 87 00:04:52,420 --> 00:04:55,020 Oh, thanks a lot, Dad. All right. Stand back, please. Thank you. 88 00:05:04,180 --> 00:05:05,940 What is it? It's an abstract. 89 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,200 It's an old bicycle frame. 90 00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:12,800 I knew you wouldn't dig it. Oh, no, I've dug it. Oh, I've dug it. 91 00:05:13,820 --> 00:05:15,560 It's an abstract bicycle frame. 92 00:05:17,820 --> 00:05:18,820 What's it called? 93 00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:20,460 Frontal nude protesting. 94 00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:28,660 Frontal nude protesting. 95 00:05:29,310 --> 00:05:30,690 Yeah. Excuse me. 96 00:05:38,710 --> 00:05:39,710 Which is the front? 97 00:05:41,690 --> 00:05:42,810 It's non -dimensional. 98 00:05:43,190 --> 00:05:44,510 It's an abstract protest. 99 00:05:44,870 --> 00:05:45,910 I know that. 100 00:05:46,630 --> 00:05:48,030 I mean, it's obvious, isn't it? 101 00:05:49,010 --> 00:05:50,010 What sex is it? 102 00:05:51,370 --> 00:05:54,850 Sex? Yes, is it male or female, or hasn't it made up its mind yet? 103 00:05:55,610 --> 00:05:58,790 Oh, Dad, you're wasting our time. You could look at this for a thousand years 104 00:05:58,790 --> 00:05:59,810 and you wouldn't see what it was about. 105 00:06:00,030 --> 00:06:01,350 I know what I have seen. What? 106 00:06:03,250 --> 00:06:04,250 What? 107 00:06:05,810 --> 00:06:08,630 Now, don't touch that. That's a vital part of it. Is it? 108 00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:12,490 Well, it'll just have to manage without it, won't it? You've completely ruined 109 00:06:12,490 --> 00:06:15,130 it, because that was its... That was its what? 110 00:06:15,370 --> 00:06:17,210 Well, it was its sort of... All right, all right. 111 00:06:17,670 --> 00:06:19,790 In that case, it really has got something to protest about. 112 00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:28,100 protesting in the garage. 113 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:35,420 Have you seen them yet, Mum? 114 00:06:35,700 --> 00:06:37,820 Seen who, dear? The new people from next door. 115 00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:40,560 No, they moved in while we were out shopping. 116 00:06:40,820 --> 00:06:43,940 Heard them, though. They were still banging nails into the wall long after 117 00:06:43,940 --> 00:06:44,940 went to bed. 118 00:06:45,020 --> 00:06:46,020 There they are. 119 00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:49,720 Guess where I found it. 120 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:53,480 Where? Hanging on Michael and Joel's abstract bicycle. 121 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:56,340 It's not funny, Daddy. 122 00:06:58,320 --> 00:06:59,320 done. Get away. 123 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:02,740 You've seen it, then, haven't you? Yes, and I think it's a masterpiece. 124 00:07:03,180 --> 00:07:05,060 Then you know what it's supposed to mean? 125 00:07:05,340 --> 00:07:06,139 Of course. 126 00:07:06,140 --> 00:07:07,300 It's a protesting nude. 127 00:07:07,660 --> 00:07:09,140 What else could it possibly be? 128 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:11,920 And that, Daddy, was a very important part of it. 129 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:19,940 At her age, do you think she ought to be looking at things like that? 130 00:07:20,300 --> 00:07:22,400 Then it could corrupt her, you know. Oh, see. 131 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:25,340 Hey, what do you want for breakfast? Orange juice or Alka -Seltzer? 132 00:07:25,540 --> 00:07:26,399 Very funny. 133 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:27,400 Mum? 134 00:07:27,500 --> 00:07:30,460 Where are the matches? I thought I told you not to do any welding in your 135 00:07:30,460 --> 00:07:32,940 bedroom. I'm not doing it in the bedroom. I'm doing it in the garage. 136 00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:36,760 Don't you think it's time he bought his own matches? 137 00:07:37,060 --> 00:07:39,160 Oh, leave him alone, please. Leave him alone? 138 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:40,400 You amaze me. 139 00:07:41,060 --> 00:07:43,860 I smoke my pipe in bed, you stand over me with a bucket of water. 140 00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:49,560 He wanders through the house with a flamethrower and you say, leave him 141 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:51,200 Don't fight. 142 00:07:51,260 --> 00:07:52,660 All right, I won't say another word. 143 00:07:53,580 --> 00:07:55,600 Just put the kettle on and make 12 cups of tea. 144 00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:57,780 The fire brigade. 145 00:08:00,620 --> 00:08:02,780 We want to keep them happy. We've got to keep them right. 146 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:05,820 Hey, there's a man staring in here. 147 00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:07,100 Good luck to him. 148 00:08:08,100 --> 00:08:09,620 He's coming up to the front door. 149 00:08:11,140 --> 00:08:12,140 He's rung a bell. 150 00:08:13,020 --> 00:08:15,900 You can't see what he wants. I can't go looking like this. 151 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:19,720 I don't look too good myself. 152 00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:21,700 You'll never notice. 153 00:08:29,900 --> 00:08:33,020 Oh, how do you do? How do you do? We moved in next door yesterday. 154 00:08:33,260 --> 00:08:34,260 Oh, come right in. 155 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:36,280 Oh, you love it round here. Nice people. 156 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:39,679 I don't want to worry you, but I'd rather think your house is on fire. 157 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:41,140 Oh, my God, he's gone in again. 158 00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:44,400 Gene, put the kettle on. 159 00:08:46,740 --> 00:08:48,920 There's a shower of sparks coming from the garage. 160 00:08:49,380 --> 00:08:50,860 Sparks? Any flames? 161 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:53,040 Well, I didn't see any flames, only sparks. 162 00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:55,700 Oh, that's all right, then. All right, Gene, forget it. 163 00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:58,060 It's my son. He's always doing it. 164 00:08:58,840 --> 00:08:59,840 Sparking? No, welding. 165 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:00,959 Oh, I see. 166 00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:04,000 Well, I'm sorry to have worried you. Not at all. I think it's very nice of you 167 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,600 to bother to come round and tell us. Well, actually, I was coming in anyway. 168 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:09,480 can't find where the main water turns on. Oh, that's right. You round it back. 169 00:09:09,540 --> 00:09:10,419 I'll be with you. 170 00:09:10,420 --> 00:09:11,960 Here we are. Come on, I'll show you. Oh, 171 00:09:14,380 --> 00:09:15,620 just look at this place. 172 00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:18,040 I hope your father's boozy friends enjoyed themselves. 173 00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:20,060 Well, better get started, I suppose. 174 00:09:20,340 --> 00:09:22,640 I'll just go upstairs and do my homework. Out of your way. 175 00:09:22,860 --> 00:09:25,040 Oh, no, you're not getting out of it that way. Come on. 176 00:09:26,819 --> 00:09:28,480 Oh, blimey, what a mess this room's in. 177 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,280 What have you been doing all this time? 178 00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:33,460 What have you been doing all this time? You've been in there an hour. 179 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:36,180 Oh, he was putting up some pelmets, so I gave him a hand. 180 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:37,440 Hey, what are they like? 181 00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:39,100 Sort of green with gold tassels. 182 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:41,520 No, the people. 183 00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:43,080 Oh, the people. 184 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:44,459 Very nice. 185 00:09:44,460 --> 00:09:45,640 They're coming in for a cup of coffee. 186 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:46,960 They're what? 187 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:49,040 I've asked them in to have a cup of coffee. When? 188 00:09:49,340 --> 00:09:50,340 Oh, in about ten minutes. 189 00:09:50,620 --> 00:09:53,340 But they can't. I mean, look at the face of the place. 190 00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:55,820 Oh, it's better than theirs. They haven't even got any carpets down. 191 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:03,120 Sid, how can you do it? Just look at it. It's all right. I've told them it's 192 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:04,280 always a mucky beer on Sundays. 193 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:08,200 Thank you very much. Now what will they think of me? 194 00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:10,740 Oh, blimey, they'll understand. I thought you'd like to meet them. 195 00:10:10,940 --> 00:10:12,020 Oh, I could kill you. 196 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,660 Sal, you help your mother. I'll go make some coffee. No, you take the cigarettes 197 00:10:15,660 --> 00:10:19,080 off the carpet and pick those bottles up. Oh, blimey, you'd think Prince 198 00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:20,080 was coming. 199 00:10:20,860 --> 00:10:22,460 Sidney. Yes, all right. 200 00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:25,820 Sally, you come and help me in the hall. Somebody's trodden mud all over the 201 00:10:25,820 --> 00:10:26,820 floor. 202 00:11:23,500 --> 00:11:25,160 You go upstairs and get dressed, and I'll make some coffee. 203 00:11:25,420 --> 00:11:26,239 Oh, Sid! 204 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:26,759 What's the matter? 205 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:28,900 I didn't get any coffee. I meant to get some. I forgot. 206 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:30,780 Well, don't panic. I'm about to buy some. 207 00:11:31,020 --> 00:11:32,020 But, Sid, it's Sunday. 208 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:33,880 It's all right. The little place in Church Street is open. 209 00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:36,140 Where's that gone tearing off to? 210 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,000 That little shop in Church Street. I forgot to get any coffee. 211 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:40,620 You won't get any there. Why? 212 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:21,679 Mum must be upstairs. 213 00:12:21,680 --> 00:12:24,040 Well, you know, sit down and make yourselves at home. I've got a split I 214 00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:25,040 left the flame on. 215 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:26,560 A split? 216 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:30,160 It must be the young man who's always setting the garage on fire. 217 00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:33,820 It's smaller than our front room. Well, they're the same size houses. 218 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:37,100 No, it's the way they've done it up. I mean, the carpet's all wrong and I 219 00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:38,760 wouldn't have chosen that wallpaper. 220 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:40,920 Shh, no big holes in the place. 221 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:45,420 Upstairs, you must admit it's a hideous carpet. 222 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:48,720 Quite good quality, though. Oh, no, darling, it's not. Look. 223 00:12:58,060 --> 00:12:59,060 Very nice to have it. 224 00:13:00,060 --> 00:13:01,220 Look at this lot. 225 00:13:01,980 --> 00:13:04,380 She can't have cleaned the place out for weeks. 226 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:08,720 Darling, it's none of our business. We're only here for a cup of coffee. 227 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,640 Oh, I'm not sure if I fancy any. I hope she washes the cups. 228 00:13:12,100 --> 00:13:16,420 Still, it seems a nice enough fellow. Oh, yes, it's we. I'm sure it's not his 229 00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:17,580 fault they live in a pigsty. 230 00:13:18,940 --> 00:13:20,420 Hello. Oh, hello. 231 00:13:20,740 --> 00:13:21,739 I'm Sally. 232 00:13:21,740 --> 00:13:23,900 I went out to borrow some coffee, but they didn't have any. 233 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:26,700 Would you mind tea instead? No, tea will be fine. 234 00:13:33,710 --> 00:13:35,270 Shh, don't let them know I'm here. Why? 235 00:13:35,750 --> 00:13:37,050 Oh, I can't tell you. I'll tell you later. 236 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:41,770 Look, if they want tea, make it in the fresh teapot on the sideboard. All 237 00:13:43,250 --> 00:13:45,110 What a pity we've got no arsenic. 238 00:13:47,130 --> 00:13:51,070 Hello? Oh, hello. Sally, I'll take it. Yes, please, Nick. I couldn't get any 239 00:13:51,070 --> 00:13:53,450 coffee, sir. The place we usually get it was full of old boots. 240 00:13:54,910 --> 00:13:56,530 That's all right, Daddy. I'll make some tea. 241 00:13:57,010 --> 00:13:59,850 If you use that, make sure you wash it out, won't you? Why? 242 00:14:00,070 --> 00:14:02,110 Well, there might be a couple of odds and ends in it. 243 00:14:11,140 --> 00:14:12,740 You know how things accumulate. 244 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:16,480 Yes, well, I've just remembered I've left a joint in the oven. And I'm 245 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,380 a phone call. Oh, hang on a minute. You haven't had anything yet? Yes, well, 246 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:22,360 perhaps another time. How about a quick drink before you go? Just a minute. What 247 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:22,939 would you like? 248 00:14:22,940 --> 00:14:24,160 Some scotch? Well, 249 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:31,800 thank you very much for having 250 00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:34,500 us. Next time, you really must come to us. Yes. 251 00:14:42,739 --> 00:14:44,800 Fedney, I want a word with you. 252 00:14:45,820 --> 00:14:49,040 Didn't you bother to get dressed for him? Didn't I bother? 253 00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:51,460 He's not looking around in a dressing gown. No wonder he would. 254 00:15:29,260 --> 00:15:30,940 You should have heard what she said. 255 00:15:31,540 --> 00:15:32,540 I have. 256 00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:34,600 You've told me 18 times. 257 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:37,420 And asked for a husband, if he is her husband. 258 00:15:38,140 --> 00:15:41,200 It's probably some dropout she picked up at a pop concert. 259 00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:44,400 That wouldn't surprise me either. 260 00:15:45,860 --> 00:15:48,320 And what was she doing looking under the carpets anyway? 261 00:15:48,780 --> 00:15:51,060 They probably thought we had hash under there. 262 00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:53,300 Hash? 263 00:15:53,580 --> 00:15:55,540 It's obvious, isn't it? They're both on the drugs. 264 00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:57,980 And that wouldn't surprise you either. 265 00:15:59,980 --> 00:16:03,060 Well, now that we've completely destroyed their character, do you mind 266 00:16:03,060 --> 00:16:04,560 a short tip? I'm worn out. 267 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:13,800 Oh, God. That's not our son. That's your precious friends from next door. 268 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:16,260 Why the big hate? They're nice people. 269 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,360 Well, you needn't expect me to be friendly with them. Well, you don't have 270 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:20,359 row with them. 271 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:24,480 I don't mind rowing with them. Give me half a chance and I'll tell her just 272 00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:25,480 I think of her. 273 00:16:26,580 --> 00:16:27,860 It stopped. 274 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:29,280 I've noticed. 275 00:16:36,940 --> 00:16:37,599 That's nice. 276 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:38,780 That's lovely, that is. 277 00:16:39,140 --> 00:16:41,000 It's a nice neighbourly gesture. 278 00:16:43,380 --> 00:16:45,560 Have you gone raving mad? Stop! 279 00:16:47,660 --> 00:16:49,800 Well, that's in case they start again. 280 00:16:50,540 --> 00:16:54,120 You know what you've done, don't you? You have just declared open war. 281 00:16:54,500 --> 00:16:59,020 Good. Now, every time we make a noise, they'll bang on our wall. And that will 282 00:16:59,020 --> 00:17:00,640 go on for the next 20 years. 283 00:17:09,420 --> 00:17:10,420 There's somebody at the door now. 284 00:17:13,980 --> 00:17:16,579 Hello, I'm sorry about the noise if we disturbed you. 285 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:19,099 Oh, no, you didn't disturb me. I was only on the phone. 286 00:17:19,319 --> 00:17:23,099 Well, I think we disturbed somebody. Is your mother in? Yes. Come in. I'll fetch 287 00:17:23,099 --> 00:17:24,099 her. Thank you. 288 00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:27,020 Go in. Thank you. 289 00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:29,500 Sorry about that. I'll be over in two minutes. 290 00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:35,780 Mummy, the lady from next door wants to see you. She's downstairs. 291 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:39,780 You've done it now, haven't you? 292 00:17:40,420 --> 00:17:41,419 Done what? 293 00:17:41,420 --> 00:17:42,420 Really annoyed her. 294 00:17:43,060 --> 00:17:45,960 Why should I annoy her? I've never even spoken to the woman. 295 00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:48,040 You banged on her wall. 296 00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:51,180 Well, she couldn't have come about that. 297 00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:53,140 Of course she couldn't. 298 00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:54,880 Could she? 299 00:17:55,820 --> 00:17:57,360 Why don't you go down and find out? 300 00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:01,340 Me? Why should I find out? I've never even spoken to her. 301 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:03,300 You wanted to have a row with her. Now's your chance. 302 00:18:05,300 --> 00:18:07,160 I wanted to row with her. 303 00:18:08,460 --> 00:18:10,640 how you can lie there and say such things. 304 00:18:13,420 --> 00:18:15,740 I beg your pardon, it seems I got it all wrong. 305 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,280 Yes. Well, I'm glad that's cleared up. 306 00:18:21,740 --> 00:18:24,120 Sidney? Sidney! Oh, God, what? 307 00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,680 Well, aren't you going down to see what she wants? 308 00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:29,320 Why me? 309 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:32,740 Well, you're the man of the house and you know her. I mean, you were in there 310 00:18:32,740 --> 00:18:33,719 for hours. 311 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:37,260 I have come here to have a blooming kip and I'm going to have a blooming kip. 312 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:42,460 she knows I'm here. Who? 313 00:18:42,660 --> 00:18:43,399 Your mother. 314 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:45,140 Oh, yeah, she'll be down in a minute. Don't worry about her. 315 00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:47,840 Now, look, if you go round the other side, you can see how I was influenced 316 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:48,840 Picasso. Oh. 317 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,620 What's the matter? I've got caught up. 318 00:18:50,820 --> 00:18:51,820 Oh, well, turn round. 319 00:18:52,100 --> 00:18:53,100 No, that's worse. 320 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,840 Oh, well. Don't leave it. You'll tear it. I'll do it. Don't panic. 321 00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:57,360 I'll get you out of it soon. 322 00:18:58,300 --> 00:19:00,400 Sidney, go and see what she wants. 323 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:03,400 You're not asleep. 324 00:19:04,340 --> 00:19:05,700 Oh, don't be so rotten. 325 00:19:06,260 --> 00:19:07,260 Oh, God. 326 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:08,740 Blimey, they're marvellous. 327 00:19:09,409 --> 00:19:11,850 You stir everything up and I've got to go down and apologise. 328 00:19:12,950 --> 00:19:15,690 Why should you apologise? They started it. 329 00:19:16,130 --> 00:19:20,050 Look, you tell them we've lived in this house 19 years and we've never had any 330 00:19:20,050 --> 00:19:23,230 trouble with neighbours until they moved in. I see. And you can tell them from 331 00:19:23,230 --> 00:19:25,970 me that I think it's a cheat that they use an electric drill on a Sunday 332 00:19:25,970 --> 00:19:29,250 afternoon. And you can tell them if they do it again, we'll complain to the 333 00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:32,990 council. I see. And what's more, you can tell them that if they want to be 334 00:19:32,990 --> 00:19:35,370 awkward, we can be awkward too. And you tell them... 335 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:40,320 I've got a better idea. 336 00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:41,940 What? You tell them. 337 00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:48,420 Well, all right, then. You say what you think best. 338 00:19:49,380 --> 00:19:50,960 Thank you for your confidence. 339 00:19:52,780 --> 00:19:55,180 Well, you're not going like that, are you? 340 00:19:55,500 --> 00:19:56,500 What's the matter with me? 341 00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:58,360 Well, look, your trousers are all baggy. 342 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:20,899 I'll have to take it off. 343 00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:21,940 You can't do that. 344 00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:26,340 Hey, supposing somebody comes in? Supposing my mum comes in? I've been 345 00:20:26,340 --> 00:20:27,980 20 minutes and she hasn't come in yet. 346 00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:32,120 I've also had 20 minutes of you attacking old -fashioned morality and 347 00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:33,580 prudishness. Yeah, but that was different. 348 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:36,120 I'm going to the garage to see if I can get a pair of pliers. 349 00:20:58,290 --> 00:21:01,110 Who? The woman from next door. Oh, that woman. 350 00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:03,410 Why, how many women have you had in there? 351 00:21:05,350 --> 00:21:10,670 None. I mean, I didn't have her in here. Oh, I mean, she was here, but she went. 352 00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:13,370 Oh, it's just as well you should have heard what your mother was saying about 353 00:21:13,370 --> 00:21:14,370 her. No. 354 00:21:14,870 --> 00:21:15,549 Now what? 355 00:21:15,550 --> 00:21:17,170 No, I don't want to hear what Mum was saying about her. 356 00:21:17,530 --> 00:21:19,210 She just about called me. No! 357 00:21:21,490 --> 00:21:22,490 What's the matter with you? 358 00:21:24,050 --> 00:21:26,150 You taking a fancy to her or something? No. 359 00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:28,700 Sounds like it, the way you're protecting it. Excuse me. Where are you 360 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:31,020 I want to make myself a cup of tea. That's all right, I'll make it for you. 361 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:32,459 You all right? 362 00:21:32,460 --> 00:21:33,460 Yeah, I'm all right. 363 00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:37,960 You're offering to make me a cup of tea? Yeah, go on, you go upstairs and I'll 364 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:40,900 bring you up a cup of tea on a tray to you and Mum with buttered toast and 365 00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:41,900 scones. 366 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:44,060 What have you got in the kitchen? 367 00:21:46,860 --> 00:21:47,860 Nothing. 368 00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:51,800 You're joking, aren't you? You can't be me, matey, I know you. 369 00:21:52,580 --> 00:21:54,360 You've been welding in there. No. 370 00:22:09,740 --> 00:22:10,980 I told her about this and she was hooked. 371 00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:13,080 Hooked? She couldn't help it. 372 00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:19,460 Are you trying to tell me that this heap of rusting junk has a hypnotic effect 373 00:22:19,460 --> 00:22:20,460 on women? 374 00:22:20,540 --> 00:22:22,600 Oi, it's not a heap of rusting junk. 375 00:22:22,940 --> 00:22:25,260 All that happened was I told her what it was about and she knew what I was 376 00:22:25,260 --> 00:22:26,260 after. Naturally. 377 00:22:29,060 --> 00:22:30,060 Obvious, isn't it, son? 378 00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:31,900 Come here. 379 00:22:32,500 --> 00:22:36,600 Now, I don't want to preach morals. I mean, far be it from me to judge 380 00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:40,280 but... I mean, if you want to spread your wings, you know. I mean, if you 381 00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:45,160 like you'd like to have a bit of... But not with married women. 382 00:22:45,540 --> 00:22:47,800 Especially married women who live right next door. 383 00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:50,620 I mean, I've heard of your own doorstep, but this is ridiculous. 384 00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:54,140 I've heard quite enough. Would you mind giving me my shirt back? 385 00:22:55,360 --> 00:22:56,580 What have you done with her shirt? 386 00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:58,580 I put it somewhere and I don't know where. 387 00:22:59,220 --> 00:23:02,020 Whatever you think. I couldn't help it. I just got hooked on this. 388 00:23:02,220 --> 00:23:03,800 I understand. Believe me, I understand. 389 00:23:04,420 --> 00:23:06,260 After all, I am a human being, you know. 390 00:23:07,069 --> 00:23:09,590 Yeah, we're all full of human frailties and weaknesses. 391 00:23:09,930 --> 00:23:13,370 I mean, I know there's a caged animal inside all of us waiting to get out. 392 00:23:14,330 --> 00:23:16,410 But if his mother finds out, she'll murder him. 393 00:23:17,830 --> 00:23:19,250 What have you done with his shirt? 394 00:23:19,510 --> 00:23:20,510 I can't remember. 395 00:23:20,890 --> 00:23:22,690 See what you've done to him? He can't remember. 396 00:23:23,910 --> 00:23:29,430 Uh... Hang on a minute. I'll get you a coat or something. 397 00:23:35,850 --> 00:23:36,850 No, no, she's gone. 398 00:23:36,990 --> 00:23:39,190 Well, she's here, isn't she? No, she's there, but she's gone. 399 00:23:39,870 --> 00:23:41,330 Oh. I found this. 400 00:23:41,810 --> 00:23:43,770 Found what? Nothing. He hasn't found anything at all. 401 00:23:43,970 --> 00:23:44,970 What's going on? 402 00:23:45,150 --> 00:23:46,690 I can handle it, darling. Don't you worry. 403 00:23:47,130 --> 00:23:49,690 What have you been up to? Nothing. I haven't been up to anything. 404 00:23:51,350 --> 00:23:52,350 Nothing? 405 00:23:52,990 --> 00:23:56,270 Well, she couldn't help it, and it wasn't me. 406 00:23:58,370 --> 00:24:00,550 I suppose you'll be telling me next it was Mike. 407 00:24:01,410 --> 00:24:03,110 I wouldn't say it was Mike. 408 00:24:04,430 --> 00:24:06,130 But I wouldn't care if they owned up. 409 00:24:07,390 --> 00:24:11,490 What are you doing like that? 410 00:24:11,690 --> 00:24:12,710 I couldn't help it. 411 00:24:13,070 --> 00:24:14,430 Apparently, it wasn't Sid. 412 00:24:14,790 --> 00:24:15,769 It was mine. 413 00:24:15,770 --> 00:24:17,310 What the hell have you done to my wife? 414 00:24:19,310 --> 00:24:20,570 How long have you been married? 415 00:24:20,930 --> 00:24:23,610 Well, what business is that of yours? Now, go on. How long have you been 416 00:24:23,610 --> 00:24:26,370 married? How dare you? Don't you shout at me, moose. 417 00:24:26,890 --> 00:24:29,270 We've only had the answer until you moved in next door. 418 00:24:29,470 --> 00:24:32,150 Now, stop it, you two. Sidney, explain yourself properly. 419 00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:35,200 Yeah. 420 00:24:36,460 --> 00:24:37,880 See? She couldn't help it. 421 00:24:39,140 --> 00:24:42,260 This will come as a bit of a shock to you, but your wife's a bit kinky about 422 00:24:42,260 --> 00:24:43,720 bicycle frames. 423 00:25:02,990 --> 00:25:03,990 Thank you.